romantic or

The Picture right above is of LaRon, he was returning to LA to check in on the love of his life, a woman who rejected him.  for a time i saw the story as romantic, now it's sad and even pathetic to me.  The sun is setting and potatoes are cooking on a fire.  and i think i'll finish this beer.

Puppy or the road

Building a 30 Kw solar array for a zombie apocalypse fortress, two gates, safe room, anti-ballistic paneled roof, with, dude dog and dog dude as aids, plus bonus puppy for entertainment. For the first few days I could only be productive for a couple of hours because there are no warm gloves in the county that stock gloves that will fit on my hands.

One day at a time

In the spring I"m leaving on a hitchiking trip around the world.   Right now im working out the details i.e how ro pay for it, route, what to take.

When ever I return from a big trip I always proclaim "Next time I'm not going alone" well It's been long enough since my last adventure and... In the spring. 

Falling again

Even though there are people around everyday, I think I'm a hermit, or at least want to be a partial one. While sawing a beveled edge to a 21 inch wide beam with a handheld electric saw that has a 20" spinning blade I stopped to let the saw cool and wondered how to better appreciate my surroundings. I'm surrounded by round yellow leaves dotting and white aspen trunks... In the distance red green and more yellow. And I'm pushing this big saw wishing and planning for an adventure elsewhere.

To hit the road

Last spring I learned about cruise ships crossing the oceans and added them to my dreams that I shared... I'm buying two tickets for the comming spring. In the last month I was asked if new things become harder for me... no... I was then asked why, and the little room concluded that i'm growing younger. which brings me to my frustration, everyone else seems to get older. and back to the opening thought...

a change

I turned up the short cut, a barely visible path towards the sprinter, and noticed that it is autumn. Sure I stop on my ride up and down the canyon to notice the colors, and had to deal with snow last week, but tonight the air had a presence, the moon was full and leaves covered the path.

Houseless

I left my house in Portland for what i thought was expediency, but in fact stupidity... not mutually exclusive concepts i know... and as a result every morning i do not know where i'm going to sleep the following evening. I also blame that decision for the change in my Face Book status. But every night I sleep well, tonight will be one of my first nights sleeping alone in some time, it will be in the treehouse. I'm sipping a tea for sleep, and will probably watch a movie on this tablet computer device in a moment. But I've been weighing getting a tattoo. Since I seem to always make the same errors in judgment I've been thinking that adopting some written rules of conduct, and printing them perminatly on my arm. The idea of coding the rules in picture form is probably not direct enough for me. Ask Listen Write down what was said then repeat it to what ever audance is appropriate... I know, not as sexy as a flying lion, Kali, or a compass rose... I'm going to collect my house next week

Note to self,

Do not try and open chicken package with house/car key because if it breaks it will take a week and several hundred dollars to get back into your house/car, and really do you really want to have to talk a sheriff into not towing it, I don't think he will believe that it takes five days to get a key. Besides you will probably have to have it towed the following week because of... really you think i'll explain that here?

I like to think that the Lariam was to blame, or credit as the case my be. The woman had been driving me crazy, but hadn't done anything to merit my reaction. I did turn the wrong way and the guards at the Mozambique border did have automatic weapons, but we were not in any danger. Her yelling didn't help anything, and wasn't the genisis of my annoyance, but to detail the why..., the way she couldn't drive at a smooth speed the way none of her stories made any sense, her advances. So I stopped the car, took my bag and walked into the corn field, finally safe.

This 5 year old... Boy... Dancing and in the sand

And the sand in him

School

Car accident at the south pole

I was hit by a car while in Antarctica, fortunately I was laying down.

the first time

I cried as my dad pushed me down the slope…. But a six year old is allowed to cry… right?

When we went to the ski shop and tried on boots it seemed like fun, as I borrowed mom’s gloves... I couldn’t find mine, the adventure waited, but stepping into the ski bindings … even though I practiced at home it took four tries...barely able to stand up, skis slide around… it was too much, I didn’t want to do it any more, but dad bought me all that stuff, and mom was watching… he pushed

I glided…tears stopped

Later the whole family went to what we called Aomari… Snow cats were driving straight up mountains and people were skiing straight off of cliffs…

My brother was blond and Japanese people were universally in love with him, a snow cat driver wanted to take him for a drive and I got to go along. Who knew that machines could defy gravity, we drove in snow that was over my head up a mountain that I couldn’t have climbed on foot.

But at the mountain… I was not allowed to ski down most of the runs, but it seemed so easy, stop left, stop right stop left... easy

Being the middle of six kids, the youngest skiing, it was easy for me to disappear. My 15 year old brother saw me on the run that he thought too dangerous… and Mom tried to find me… they had to stop the lift for her because the “lift tips” sign was in Japanese so she didn’t... and never got on a lift again.

back in the mountains...

The days don't all melt together... the nights are not cold... but the stars always seem new.

installing windows in a house is usually a quick and dirty affair, wrap the opening in bitchathane (yea that is what it is called) and nail it into the hole. But today and yesterday...dangling from rope in a harness was more like a day climbing, hanging our over a precipice working hard to get to the top... no... it was work.

and Eden is making his famous chocolate waffles

"they" say that simplest is best

southern Turkey… edge of town, a mosque… Kites made out of letter paper and thread.

i wish i could remember how they folded them

a christmas swim

Amy I were crashing a fancy corporate Christmas party at the Provo Park Hotel , we’d heard that it was going to be a formal yet “wild “event... fancy was tuxedo print tee shirts and floral dresses. And wild... an MC telling office stories... As we were leaving with a load of mangos and pineapples from the center pieces we passed a sign “pool 3rd floor”…. We detoured


Found a door marked weight room and pool, it was locked ... a janitor walked by and I muttered “Damn it I left the key with John and Becky” the janitor opened to door and we walked in behind him, he checked the trash and left.

Beyond the empty weight room was another door then the pool and hot tub, a woman was just drying off. When the two of us were alone we fully undressed and got in the hot tub . After a few minutes Amy pointed to the far wall and a small camera.

We both got up and dove into the pool swam a couple of laps and got out.

While we were drying off and getting dressed a man and a woman in hotel uniforms came through the door.

“uh, did you see the camera?”

“Yes”

“we do not allow that here”

They left just ahead of us.

phoenix

Only out of deep experience af love, sweet and bitter, pleasant and painful, high and low, heaven and hell, only out of deep experience of pain and pleasure through love does one become aware. They are needed to make you aware

Bhagwan Shree Hajneesh

Jamie, Jamsie?

I was called Jamie by my family until I rebelled against the girl like name, my Mom Dad and sister Genie never caught on to the change, James it has been ever since.

Several times i've made half hearted attempts to reinstated Jamie, never to catch on...

half a year ago Jenna started calling me Jamie because i told her the above, then independently Estelle started calling me Jamsie, then I noticed that Troy calls me Jamsie...

two days ago at the Apple genius bar the woman helping me with called me Jamie... Jamie? what did you call me? she looked embarrassed and and glanced at her computer screen, uh, uh James? I told her that I was delighted.

Do I deserve it all? Happiness? I think that I finally understand where it resides, and how to get it, so the question remaining is can I keep it. Today it involved preening, yesterday, riding in the rain... Stuck in traffic, tomorrow building walls, and I'm not sure what will bring happiness the next day. Strange but the happiness of days past involves pain and even the desire for death, but those life changing events make the happiness of today even possible.

In this moment it is all about pie

What do I deserve?

I figure it has taken me taken me about twenty extra years to catch up socially with people I went to high school with. I think I finally get it, all the social posturing, friendship, dancing, and dating... I think I get it... but if I would've understood beer back then maybe i'd of gotten it all sooner.

Don't be nice to me...

In my quest to be happy I realized that I do not want people to be nice to me... I do not want anyone to do anything for me that does not make them happy.

It gives me great joy to see those around me enjoying themselves and I want to feel that joy.

I feel happy when those around me are happy, and I want to be happy.

But if I do something for another with just the goal of their happiness then I'm not seeing to my needs...

Be sensitive to me, if my hair cut is bad don't say " you are ugly" but do tell me that you do not like it, and if you could offer a suggestion I'd really appreciate it, but please do not tell me that you like it, or say something that would lead me to believe that you approve, do not be nice, sensitive yes but not nice.

if you do not like me do not act like you do...

if you do not want too... then don't

"selfless" actions are a trap, because if you are not taking care of yourself then you can not take care of anyone else

take care of you and if that works for me then let me be the judge of that, I will do the same.

Again with the dog and the monkey?

We are born then we die, but what of the part in between
I want to be happy, and think that all people want that too. but deciding what this state called happiness really is is the big question.
It seems that happiness is simply a drug induced state where our own bodies produce drugs in response to external stimuli that history has proven has the highest probability of producing offspring for homosapians and pre civilization humans. But because of our human state of consciousness that our species currently finds itself in many of these responses do not really serve us very well.

We like all other animals are motivated by three things, food, physical safety and procreation (sustenance, safety and sex or SSS) and ultimately all decisions are motivates by these three things. Modern neuroscience has learned that all the logical conscious decisions we think that we make happen about six seconds before we are aware that we made them, I'm not going into the actual experiments that show this but it is true and I can point you to the papers if you want. So yea we make choices then we become aware of the choices but since we are not really aware of the choices that we make when we make them it stands to reason that we that we can't really know why we make them and the best we can do is to guess.

It's like this... We are just pack animals, like dogs, that happen to have thumbs and the cognitive ability to build rocket-ships but that really we are just simple animals trying to get our simple needs met (SSS) but because we are so smart and can build rocket-ships we make complex assumptions about what we are doing when in fact we are just trying to get our needs met.

It's like we are dogs running around who happen to have literate drunk monkeys riding around on our shoulders who think that they are controlling the dog... The dog turns left to get safety sustenance or sex and the monkey thinks it made the dog turn and makes up a reason why the turn happened, the monkey uses all of its skills of logic and reason but really it is just guessing.

The dog turns left or right because of its needs but really it is just looking for those shots of drugs it calls happiness.

who am i really?

can the sun see that spot I need to visit on the mountain top?

does it exists?

accidents

like most things in my life i did not plan my first freight train trip, it just sort of happened. A guy tapped me on a the shoulder and said "I understand that you ride trains" some one had told him that I would hop a freight and he took that to mean that I had experience. A week later i learned that cardboard is a better sleeping mat then a thermarest, or at least that was what i was thinking as I watched my thermarest blow off a train.

That trip didn't change my life but it did give me new things to look at and think about. A homeless man who told me that if others knew how great his life was they would quit their jobs and live like him. A couple walked out of a restaurant and gave me a meal, i wasn't asking or even hungry. A train crew man warned me the i needed to be careful and not get beaten up the FTRA.

on and on but mostly i realized that i was an Anthropologist.

all good things in my life are accidents that i chose to embrace

Born Again

By my memory, the first birth was the least dramatic and quickest

there have been six since

they always feel like death

but that's probably what the first one felt like too

and now i know it's not, it's just being born again

hallelujah, praise be

Carma

Since I can't drive two vehicles at the same time and I need to get another I hitchhiked down the mountian, it's a good feeling walking away from ones car placing trust in strangers with transport.

I flipped off the car that honked as they passed, and felt sorry for the fearful live of all those with room who gave me wide birth.

After an hour of walking down a car stopped and in it a kid who i gave a ride too a month earlier.

I'm on the bus now, and no one gets any carma for this ride, but I might lose some because I did not have to pay

The first crisis

At around age six I woke one night with a problem, where does it all end, or start 'cause it was the same thing, start, is there a wall, I envisioned brick, that goes up forever, then what is on the other side. My parents just told me to not think about it, so I didn't.

In the mission field I tried to not think about it, decided that thinking about it would get me nowhere, how could one stand to lose their family.

But later when my girlfriend asked I had to answer honestly. And now it is little but questions, and real answers.

I refuse

The sky looked bruised, but I had to watch,
It really doesn't get to chose what happens
And I think what I'm seeing means that tomorrow will be beautiful

where I live

My home is right here, now it is here and in a moment it will be over there but by then it will be here too

My lawn and pool are taken care of by then selves

Food comes when it may

And what is is

McDonalds

Bonnie Jean from the shoe area of REI gave me her phone number... she wanted to take a freight train journey, I thought she was beautiful. As we got kicked out of the train yard in SLC we were told " trains cut peoples legs off"

In Ogden we hid in a boxcar and waited, in Pocatello we used the Amtrak waiting and bathrooms. In Portland, we cleaned up in a McDonald's bathroom and learned that we we were not in Seattle .

the last time I saw her she was pregnant, she promised her husband that she would never hitchhike again.

dropped off a cornice and out of view

Sometimes skiing uphill is more satisfying than skiing down, I never would’ve guessed that, but then again for most of my skiing life I did not even know that skiing up hill was much of a possibility.

But going up hill gets one to the top, and you get to choose the route and the speed then once you get there you get to keep going, and going… or not.

Yesterday was a perfect day on a mountain… mountains… Up and down, untracked snow.

straight razor shave

In the movie My Name Is Nobody, a scruffy cowboy (Henry Fonda) rides into a hot and dusty town, gets off his horse and goes into a barber shop that has 3 dangerous looking guys, one in a barbers smock, hangs is guns on a hook “I’d like a shave” we can just see, out of sight of our hero, someone tied up in a back room, it looks like a barber, the cowboy sits, gets all lathered up and lifts his chin fully exposing his neck, making himself perfectly vulnerable, just as the imposture barber lifts a straight razor to his neck we hear a click and see what looks like the barrel of a gun poke through the apron covering the cowboy’s lap, the barber gulps and shaves the neck, the barber is sweating and the cowboy looks calm… eventually the cowboy walks out and the three men are dead….

I was about ten when i saw the movie, but I wanted a shave, to raise my chin and expose my neck.

While riding a bus in southern China, I do not remember the name of the city, I saw a man on the side of the road sitting in a chair another man had a straight and was giving him a shave. It was cold and nowhere had heat so I was cherishing my beard, but two weeks later when I was much further south and it was getting very warm I went out to find a shave.

Through a doorway not much different from the one Henry Fonda walked through, a man was cutting hair. I walked in and waited my turn. Sat and gestured that I wanted all my hair cut...all of it from neck to top of my head, all off.

The barber quickly dispatched most of my hair with an electric razor that was plugged into the overhead light, then pulled out a straight razor to finish the job. He wiped my face down with a warm cloth then started pulling out each hair on my face… ok he wasn’t actually doing that but it’s what it felt like. At this point, under the light of the single bulb plus the light from the cracks in the wood slat walls I noticed that he had a mole on his chin with a long hair sticking out, and a few longish whiskers under his nose and I wondered if he had never shaved his own face...

My next straight razor shave was much better.

hitching again

I left my bike across town yesterday so today it was back to hitchhiking. As I was making my way, a truck driver made eye contact and shrugged his shoulders as he passed, and the next driver coming down the road did the same thing. What did they mean? Could they not know what I was doing? Could they both… as I was actively musing about this the first truck came back up the road and flipped a U’y and I had my ride.

Bernie, had to make a stop on the way but took me right to my destination.

birth

I came out into the world and pee'd, the doctor said, "it's a boy and his plumbing works." but I do not remember that, I do remember being breast fed though, and my Grandmother standing over my crib, she died when I was a year old.

the mission to get my bike

now that i returned from Boston I can drive my house around but i don't really want to, so yesterday i set out across town on foot but with my thumb i, on a journey to get my bike from the Urban Forrester homestead. i bet i walked about a half mile... and about 20 cars passed before someone stopped. I used to get kinda angry when guys in empty pick up trucks didn't stop. I could understand when little old ladies, families, or unaccompanied women don't give me a ride, but walking down a remote road and a empty truck and guys in the front and they just drive by.... but not anymore, walking is good, but getting a ride and meeting a new person is better.

Several years ago i interviewed a man who walked highways, never asked for rides (with his thumb or other ways) at first he would get so angry and he claimed that it made him crazy, (i'm sure he was crazy before though) then one day he stopped even asking and his life was instantly better because he stopped worrying about something that he could do nothing about.

I'm not much for heros, but maybe i can make an exception

yea

it is all coming together right now
many people understand
it's simple
live

the secret

I think I get it,

but I know that's what all mad people think,

that we have the "secret to life" all worked out

not that we can live/do it

how can one know

can't

love?

How do I love thee?
let me count the ways...

four,

drugs

dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine and oxytocin
released into our system,

and it feels so perfect, eternal, real.

like this is the one true chance at happiness.

all caused by a person who can't or won't stay

and we want to die

'til we are weened off the drugs

room to sleep

My knees hang off the couch
but pile on a body that I like and I and sleep is much nicer
I swear that my heart beats slower
except when I explode.

Teachers? really!

Paul Quilter... I do not remember the names of any other of my co workers from Sundance when I was 15, not the born again christian who I would talk about religion with and gave me that big stack of anti mormon literature, not the performer who wore those little glasses and was so concerned after my car accident who scars i'm so proud of. Paul Quilter who was always running out of gas because "I can only ever afford to put five dollars of gas in my truck" always running out of gas, twice a week, always running out of gas.

My eighth mission companion.... " I'm very humble", no irony, I fell down laughing .

My last mission companion who did not know where Georgia was... we were in Georgia and yet he could not find it on a map...he could not find Utah either.

Chad Bailey.... from my second summer in New Jersey, "My greatest quality is my self knowledge" this from a guy who really knew nothing about him self...

HM a business partner who chastised me for spending to much money on bottled water (buying a $2 bottle instead of the a $12 for 10 pack, even though we only need one bottle) and yet could not account for $150,000 that he had spent in the last 6 months

Teachers all. No, not professional teachers, but people who taught me very important things

a day about eggs

At River Diner, I ordered a western omelet home fries and toast, dad ordered his eggs sunny side up. I don't usually order omelets but the one I got bore little resemblance to what i think of as an "omelet" and I was pleased, the home fries? again nothing like what I think of,and they were tasty too.

The man at the table next got sunny side up eggs, he had ordered over easy, the waitress noticed the error as she was setting the plate down, but the man looked kind of excited and said "I'll give it a try" like it was an adventure.

we drove over the river, parked by the museum and wandered a bit, past Mastodons, which we learned are not really very related to Wooly Mammoths, through a strangely sparse indoor farmers market, that had a Mennonite couple (I can see the appeal his hat and beard were so cool), and to the escalator into the Egg. the information lady had to call some one else to to find out how to get upstairs and too the Egg.

The Elevators didn't work, but the emergency exit? a word to the wise, nearly deaf people do not sneak very well,

Albany New York. A museum seemingly devoted to New York City and skyscrapers. A big one and four smaller ones, the Empire State Plaza. They stick up alone.
so glad I brought the big yellow fluffy down coat, it’s cold here.

a 12 step program to overcome

1 Know that you are likely blind to your own strengths and weaknesses and that the way that you see yourself is probably not fully accurate

2 Understand that you can never fully understand yourself but that you can be happy and healthy

3 Accept input about who you are and what you do and understand that others opinions are always helpful even if they are critical or even wrong

4 Make a searching and fearless personal inventory

5 See that your feelings and emotions are internally generated

6 Accept that you are a Human Animal and that being a Human Animal is good

7 Humbly accept who you are

8 Make a list of elements of who you are

9 Burn that list because it might be right but it is most likely it isn’t. Self knowledge is nearly impossible

10 Continue to take personal inventory

11 Use logic and reason to understand the world you live in

12 Be happy

All those people that believe that is is going to end in 2012 are sadly fooled.

The world will end on May 21, 2011

Don't believe me? All the facts point to it and the bible isn't more clear about anything.

You see the Bible was dictated by God and every word and number carries a spiritual significance.

The number 5, equals atonement. Ten is completeness. Seventeen means heaven.

Christ hung on the cross April 1, 33 A.D., Now go to April 1 of 2011 A.D., and that's 1,978 years.

multiply 1,978 by 365.2422 days - the number of days in each solar year, not to be confused with a calendar year.

April 1 to May 21 encompasses 51 days. Add 51 to the sum of previous multiplication total, and it equals 722,500.

(5 x 10 x 17) x (5 x 10 x 17) = 722,500.

Or put into words: (Atonement x Completeness x Heaven), squared.

Five times 10 times 17 is telling you a story, It's the story from the time Christ made payment for your sins until you're completely saved.

I tell ya, I fell off my chair when I realized all this.

men who stare at goats

do you ever feel like you are the only one in the theater laughing? do people in front of you turn around and glare because of your laughter... men who stare at goats.

i just want to be happy

I was walking down the road and and didn’t help the old man take the chains off his car... you see I did not want to force him into reciprocating the kindness, next time I help... and not let this worry prevent me from making the world a better place, and me happier... It’s strange but I’ve been suffering from the regret of not helping, of not making my world better... It is my goal to embrace all things that make me happy and pass by those things that don’t. This is not always easy to figure out since the me I’m trying to make happy is so big.

poached from Huffingtonpost

Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. (Matthew 7:15)

"For what is really sad is you and your lying. You are twisting My words and inventing 'Messages from the Almighty' that I didn't speak." - Jeremiah 23:9-36

"Do not listen to your false prophets, fortune-tellers, dreamers, mediums and magicians.... for they are all liars!" - (Jeremiah) 27:9-10

He needs to join the one true church

The northern, reformed 3rd day Visigoths of Christ the geologist

dust to dust and the stuff in between is made up

What did you own the moment you were born.?...nothing, and how did you get the things that you now have?... you either made them from raw materials that you got from nature, or you convinced by some means, others to give you things that they and others made from raw materials from nature (this usually is a long chain of events that just confuses the matter.)

the lie in a reflection

It seems to me that what separates man from the rest of the beasts is not our ability to use tools, or speak, or even reason but our ability to lie to ourselves with our knowing it.

Some call it cognitive dissonance, most don't see it in themselves, but all do it.

It is so easy to see other peoples faults and strengths and so hard to see our own... I've know people who seemingly had such a bad understanding of self that when they spoke about their-self they seemed to be speaking about someone else and I wonderer how much like that I am.

I realize that I do not really know what I look like, yea I've seen pictures, video and reflections but when It comes down to it I've never seen me.

The same goes for the rest of me, sure I have the on going dialogue in my head of my thoughts that seems to reason out my actions and interactions but I wonder when people tell about me it often seems like they are talking about a different person. I wonder if I only ever really see just a reflection.

Why Insurance Companies will always suck with bonus 9/11 numbers.(totally ripped off from my sister)

BECAUSE IT COSTS MONEY TO TAKE CARE OF SICK PEOPLE! (Ahem, please forgive the caps.)

If you have a preexisting condition, you simply cannot get insurance to cover it. This is not a difficult point. Why should a rational for-profit entity give you coverage? This is why it makes no sense (to me) to have our health care rationed by for-profit institutions. You get sick, they get busy finding a way to deny you coverage. The worse they treat you, the more money they make. Yahoo! Martinis and stock options all around.

How many people are uninsured? In 2007, it was 27% of the population under 65. (Because we already have socialized medicine for the 65 and older set.)

What happens when you don't have health care? 13,000 people between 55 and 64 died in 2002 because they didn't have health insurance. (As an aside, the study that gives the 13,000 number is great. It looks at about every confounding factor you can imagine). Just since 2002 (without adjusting for anything), that's a death toll equivalent to 24.5 World Trade Center bombings (for only a slice of Americans). I seem to recall that we've racked up $1.6 Trillion and over 5,000 American lives to pay for the War on Terror. How much is health care supposed to cost? About a billion and for 10years. Less than the War on Terror.

What's our problem? I guess it's the Quentin Tarantino effect--no chases, plane wrecks, explosions. People without health care die quietly, but they still die.

what is

I didn't feel like getting up this morning, a pain in my stomach, but Kyle would be at the building lot at 8 so I needed to, besides the sun was lighting up the inside of the Sprinter and more sleep would be a fight. The clock in the cabin read 7:40 so I made some espresso, frothed some milk, thought I broke the milk frother, cut up peaches for my yogurt and headed off to the lot

Every one is a drug addict Even you who think you do not think you have felt their effects

Yes, even you teetotalers. You see everyone's body produces a wide variety of drugs, pretty much any drug that gets people high is also produced by the human body. The body uses them to itself to do evolutionary beneficial things. Emotional responses are a result of internally manufactured drugs.

The U.S. already has rationed health care

I'm upset that there are not more people yelling about the ethical offenses being committed by the America health care industrial complex.

We have great doctors and hospitals, arguable the best in that world. The problem is with the gate keeper to those resources.

Stories being circulated about health care rationing in Canada and England are out right lies yet they get repeated over and over, even on the floor of congress.

They are trying to scare us all into believing that governments ration health care when in fact the people rationing health care are insurance companies.

Insurance companies are businesses, and like all business in the world their purpose is to make money. If you can't afford a car you don't buy it or if you buy a car that is too expensive you lose it. But with health care if you can't afford it you die...

Business has the responsibility to make money and that goal is anathema to health care's responsibility of health.

ah, a shave

 

Debunking Canadian health care myths - The Denver Post

http://www.denverpost.com/recommended/ci_12523427

visiting the smallest town in America

New York City, so many people, so many things to do, But when I'm there I really just want to hang out with these people.

Yes I did have the best Pizza on the planet, Sorry Italy, and the best cookies and saw an interesting play... but really when it is all said and done...

a robot

It's been asked before but never by me...

If you were a robot that was constructed to appear exactly like you, past memory's inserted in, feelings feed back systems constructed to make you feel that thoughts felt real and memories felt real... how would you know it was not real?

The Puppy Named Sparkles

dawn patrol
everything and nova bagel
long board race around Central Park
then a garden party in Warwick
later, Shakespeare in the park

Eva, who insists on being called "The Puppy Named Sparkles"
and Mara, who walked out this morning with pants on her arms, a shirt on her legs and underpants on her head...

Biblical Marriage explained

I wondered about all that

What?

My 6 year old niece who leaped at me with a hug when I arrived here in Massachusetts just asked me why I do not honor Heavenly Father by not watching TV on the sabbath... I'm so afraid for these kids in their home school bubble

up in the middle of the night

People do not know what is going on, but think they do.

The problem is that we trust what we think about the world. Each and every individual is inundated with too much information to process so their brains filter out information that is not useful for survival, sounds, lights, movements and all sorts of other input. but it gets formatted in such a way that it all makes sense.

We each think that our world view is the real world view

Basically I think the we are all always deceived in little and big ways but we do not notice it because our brain protects us from things that damage our world view.

By about age three or four children children lose the ability to hear and differentiate between sounds that their parents do not make, there is too much information that is not necessary for communication. We've all had the experience looking for things. This same kind of filtering takes place on many levels, combine that with the ability to hold give mutually exclusive ideas equal weight in the reasoning balance... can you see where this is going?

Just listen to someone with a different ideological stance then you have. And it becomes clear that they think their ideas are logical, even if they are clearly nuts (or so we think) and the opposite is true too.

A friend of mine takes the unorthodox position that every philosophical and religious position is equally correct because they each make internal sense... This seems true and silly... more later

Hubris

Death seems next, think I should be concerned, just want to leave what I have. mad ?

Standing on a roof

Standing on a roof, nail gun in my hand, fighting with incompetence, enjoying the day.

a peaceful man

8 years ago Daniel still had $50 in his back pocket... insurance... then he sent $25 to his sister and left the other $25 on a picnic table... and he was free.

I just spent two days with him, at his cave. He claims that he eats better now then he did while he had a full time job as a social worker. He does not get anything through any kind of exchange... I call him an urban hunter gatherer.

For dinner we had oranges, Juniper tea, wild onions, potato chips, mozzarella cheese, all provided culled from the planets plenty.

He is a college graduate, peace corp graduate... does not accept any form of government assistance, and is a productive member of society... giving more then he takes.

We took two hours of video, and plan on getting more

a happy man

In the tree house met a man:

Daniel stopped using any form of money 8 years ago. No cash, no barter, no overt exchange of value of any kind.

He lives in a cave. He loves his life. He is happy.

Breakfast

Not as warm as I wish,
but blood oranges wild from the neighbors yard
cinnamon toast
Black tea

but I want to swim in the ocean

I've got pie

Apple pie as I wait for my 11:45 flight I've never noticed it before but the restaurant here at the airport has a panoramic view of the mountains I think they want us all to miss this place.  But I'm turning right around and driving back with my new to me Sprinter home... 

I was afraid that I would not be able to catch a plane because I do not have valid ID,  but here I am waiting for my plane

the GPS doesn't know the truth

The sun poked up over the Book Cliffs and I didn't stop to watch,

 a 30 dollar a night motel with it non water conserving shower stall, no tub, old hard bed blank white wall and a TV.

$1.29 a gallon for Gas and the car gets 48 MPG

  dodging  slow moving Semis ,  passing one on its side, sometimes the wind in Wyoming wins

Money is a universally accepted fiction or 2+2= anything you want, if you can dictate the value of 2

Not believing in money confuses people, but I wonder how people believe. Yes it is clear that that we all have to use it but believe?

   See if two people can and do the same exact same work but receive different amounts of money, then work is not the key element.  And if two people can buy the same object for two different prices with the possibility of one of the prices being something other than money, then it clear that money is not the key to getting the object.  

Is money a surrogate for barter?  In a barter system the bargaining power of all the players is crucially important.  In 2006 a man traded a red paperclip for a fish shaped pen then thirteen trades later  for a house. a lot of value sure came from somewhere.

money is interesting and convenient but really nothing more than a way to turn bargaining skill into an easily transacted commodity.

In other words money is a representation of bargaining skill or power.  Work, skill, time, looks, things, even ideas can all be used as bargaining chits but really all of the value is determined by the people making the deals.  Nothing has any value except in relationship to something else.  That reckoning of value is controlled by the player with the most skill.  This applies to everything relating to money.

 

oatmeal

steam rising from oatmeal trailing my topless car, passing honda with ice on the inside. 

both sorry for the other and I have oatmeal to warm my hands and the world around me

more comfort

sitting in Village Inn not ordering cherry pie and coffee but turkey and gravy.  Bus Boy trying so hard but his 45 degree off center hat does not counter the message he is screaming, it would be easy to laugh, his posture says he is used to it, maybe not used to it.

Ok I'm ordering pie... for the cold... with cream

ln a cottonwood

Snow and ice on ladder steps is forcing me to the ground.  It's still not cold while sleeping thanks to Farmers sleeping bag.  

I met a man in New York who liked to sleep on construction site scaffolding, no one looked up, the cottonwood affords the same conspicuous hiding.

he had to get down before work crews arrived, I just like to avoid neighbors .

but what is better then getting above it all and sleeping.

The Drunken Monkey and the Inner Dog

If people are animals why are we so different? I mean really, we make airplanes and watches.  

Something happened long ago, we developed the ability to think separately from our instincts, we got really good at it and language which came along for the ride made it so we could easily keep our innovations generationally.  

But really we were still just animals that could do lots of tricks.  And one of the biggest tricks was to begin to set up systems, which some call culture,  and these systems sometimes made up rules that tried to take the place of instinct... the the silly part is that we still have the animal inside.

Humans aren't really all that fast on foot, and look at your hands and feet, lousy claws, and try to smell for the deer behind that tree, yea can't do it.  Now there are lots of things we do really well, but in order to be the predators that we became we needed help, cue mans best friend... yea dogs were right there from the start, great match synergy even.  But see we started to talk and then thought we were better and started thinking of dogs as pets rather than co-workers.

We started wearing fancy clothes and making fire, and forgetting that we were a lot like dogs and our dog nature got hidden inside and forgotten about.  But the inner dog didn't forget about us.  

Most of the time the inner dog runs the show, we just don't realize it.  It's hard, nearly impossible to see some things that are so close... strange.

The part of us that we can see, the language part, the part in our head that we can hear and communicate with, the trained monkey that does great tricks, really is just drunk with power, thinking that since it can talk and make wheels and fire, it thinks it is in control of what the rest of the animal does.

The inner dog, like all dogs just has a few needs, food sex and play.  It does everything to get those things.  The drunken monkey on the other hand thinks that it is rational and can control what it needs and wants, makes fake rules, comes up with strange excuses and explanations as to why why it does what it does.  But really often the inner dog just want to 

hump that girl or boy (inner) dog.  

The drunken monkey does have some control... but so does the inner dog

2+2=5 for large values of 2

The Tree house and

Which house to choose

The Sprinter Home:

Best gas milage, most incognito, most convenient

The shack on the back:

Can be dropped off leaving a useable truck for work.

This Littlest house :

Bigger but less mobile

 

I'm looking for help on the decision 

Prop 8 in California and polygamy

History... to remember the past and learn is such a rare thing.

In the fairly recent past, Mormons lost their right to marry who they chose to marry. This was a tragedy that destroyed many families. Now it seems that Mormons want to do this to another group of people, and destroy their families too.

There seems to be much fear around Prop 8. But it also seems that all of the fear is unfounded. All of the "factual" arguments given by the pro prop 8 crowd are totally bogus. What they fear is not going to happen, isn't, California law already protects them.

Ignorant Homophobes and Mormons (two separate groups) seem to be supporting this issue.

The first groups motives seem to be clear, but the second? I wonder if Mormon authorities are afraid that after gay marriage, polygamy will follow, and since there are revelations that say that Mormons have to do it, and no revelations that says that they shouldn't, only those that say to follow the law of the land, that Mormons will have to be polygamist again.

Part two: believe half of what you see and none of what you hear

... I realized that I was Mormon and always would be, It had nothing to do with what I thought, just who I was. I did not have to think about any of the “problems” ‘cause they did not matter, what mattered was my family and I did not and could not really know anything with 100% confidence. If the church wasn’t true then I’d still live a good life and if it was...

So I was a practicing non-believing Mormon, went to BYU, had church callings and told my bishops how I felt... Two of said bishops confided in me that they were in a similar boat... this made me feel better, well sort of.

I learned to cope with church meetings by finding interesting people to talk to, sleeping through many meetings and just leaving rather than wrestle with the crazy talk and dumb headed beliefs that lead to conclusions I was not willing to embrace i.e.. that the the church and all of its beliefs were a thing made up by people.

Then one day my girl friend, who I planned on marrying, asked me what I thought of the church and the Book of Mormon. I couldn’t give just my cover story of “good leaders good plan for life” and had to vocalize what I really thought, something I’d never really done, I would tell people about my concerns... but what I really thought...

I put it all into words... “the Book of Mormon was written by Joseph Smith and is not a record of ancient America, Church leaders are good people but what they are teaching in not what they report it to be.” it felt good to finally get it off my chest.

... more later

believe half of what you see and none of what you hear

I sometimes write about what I believe, but really it's simple, I believe what is real.

Ah you ask how does one know what is real?

This is the rub, I've always believed what is real, and I think everyone does the same. Yet my beliefs have changed over the years. So what has changed?

Growing up I was told to pray and get answers, that those answers were real. My mother would pray to find her car keys and she would find them. We prayed for my father to return from Vietnam safely, and even though there were times that it seemed that his plane should've been shot down, he returned home safe.

As a teen i read the scriptures, was a good kid, Deacon and Teacher quorum president then assistant to the Bishop as a Priest and prayed to know if the Book of Mormon was true.

I've heard "believe half of what you see and none of what you hear". I've also heard "believe what you feel."

I was successful at getting my friends to stop swearing and we talked about religion
but I was always ashamed to bring them to church because the kids there were not good examples. It was always the same no matter where we lived.

At 16 an older girl at the kitchen I worked at talked to me about evangelical Christianity, she was born again and wanted to "save" me. I listened to her, discussed the scriptures and was sorry that she was so lost.

One day she brought a sheave of papers for me to read, proof that Mormonism was false. I took it home confident in my faith. It said crazy things that I knew were lies, evil oozed out of it.

I had been praying for years for a testimony of the Book of Mormon, this book was the answer for me. If this was so evil that i could feel the evil radiating off it and through my bed, then what it was fighting against must be true.

I still prayed for a more clear answer. In the MTC preparing to go to Georgia on my mission i met missionaries that knew nothing about the church, none of the doctrine or history, yet had strong testimonies. In Georgia I met a return missionary who had a burning testimony, but only in Spanish, the church did not feel real to him in English.

We met a Church of Christ minister who accepted our invitation for a discussion about the Church. During that meeting he bore his testimony about the truthfulness of his belief and that after her read the Book of Mormon he knew that Joseph Smith was not a true prophet. His Testimoney was one of the most pure and honest testimoney I had ever heard.

I still had not recieved a testomoney as strong as his. I had been telling people to pray and believe what they felt... yet this guy did just that and got the "wrong" answer.

This started turning into a crisis of faith... so I went to my mission president who told me "the church is not true, but it is divine" that the path that the church lays out for people to follow is the path that will lead to the greatest happiness. I believed him.

There were other crisis's of faith for me but I wanted to believe, felt that belief in the church was tied to my family and i clearly was "a chosen one."

Imperfect members, general authorities saying racist things, church policies that were dangerous were all excusable because it was the path that was good.

but then

Reason over came me

This morning while I was eating my "Southern Skillet" and strawberry crepe at village Inn I over heard a conversation that kept me thinking all day.

Two slightly stocky men dressed in work dirty jeans and tee shirts sat in the booth next to me. I don't know when I started listening, but was probably paying attention to their entire conversation because my newspaper wasn't very interesting. Any way I heard



he made millions in software and was going to open a restaurant in France but received a message from God that he was to build the biggest church in Utah and bring the truth to this state full of good people that are being carried down the road to hell.

how big?

something like 4500 seats...

He told me that God want me to be wealthy and that if I believe I will be.

Two days later I got a contract for (I could not hear how much money)...

I do not want to be skeptical but how do you explain that?



I wanted to jump into that conversation and explain ... but instead I just listened...
a little later in the conversation

My new guy slammed my new trailer into my new backhoe, wrecked it ...


I wanted to ask the guy why god likes him so much one day and hates him the next. But thought better of it

June 1844

In 1844 June 1, Joseph Smith recorded in his Journal that he had a glass of beer at a tavern in Nauvoo.

If Joseph Smith would openly drink a beer in public and then record the event he must have seen it as a non event, this makes perfect sense because the Word of Wisdom recommends beer. Apparently Joseph enjoyed beer.

Beer- the recomended drink of the Mormon Church

So what is PBrrrr? PBaghrrr might be a better spelling. PBR or Pabst Blue Ribbon beer...


The Word of Wisdom of the Mormon church as contained in Section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants only recommends one thing to drink, verse 17 says "barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain"

All of the references to drinking anything in the word of wisdom are as follows:

5 That inasmuch as any man drinketh wine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.

6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, pure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.

7 And, again, strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.

9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.

17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.

If you have not noticed yet this is about alcohol so verse 9 will be left alone.

There are basically three types of alcoholic beverages. spirits which are made by distillation, 20% alcohol and greater (strong drink). Wine which is fermented once from fresh fruit then aged about, 12%- 20% alcohol . Mild Drink from grain which is fermented multiple times from cooked grain, .5% to 12% (mild drink).

"Strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies" This is clearly distilled spirits because they are the only forms of alcohol that would have any success cleaning anything. Mild drink and Wine would only make stained sticky mess. It is clearly not talking about mild drink or wine. Wine and mild drink are mentioned separately.

Beer, is a generic name for many types of mild drinks made from grain (and even a few other things) . Ale, Kolsch, Lager, Bock, Porter, Stout, are just a few of the specific names. In the 19th century Root Beer, Ginger Beer, and yes Sarsaparilla were all alcoholic.

Yes the W of W does not say specifically "and thou shalt drink beer"

But the Word of Wisdom does say to drink mild drink made from grain... which is beer.

And if you are wondering, Yes Beer does make the world a better place.

International talk like a Pirate Day

In honor of International talk like a Pirate Day I'm enjoying a
PBrrrr, the beverage of choice for Pirates everywhere. Which happens
to also be an example of the only beverage recomended by the dietary
code of the Mormon church.

See a little known fact is that Joseph Smith was a Pirate... Think
about it look at his clothes...he dug for gold... Well a land pirate.

The True Gods are named Random Chance and Serendipity

The twin Gods that rule all things are Random Chance and Serendipity. They created the world and all of the rocks, plants and animals (yes people are just animals.)

They continue to actively guide all things.

All hail and honor them.

the rules

The rules... We are all given a set, I think it would be good for everybody to look over the rules they follow and see if they can make sense of them.

I think there is a simple set that if everyone followed the world would be a better place for everyone.

1. Do no harm
2. Have fun
3. Make the world a better place

If everyone did this everyone would be well served.

dust storm

Dancing

setting up the installation

The first day on the playa, the hoops used for the bases made great hoola hoops. Later when they were all built up (silver things in the background) they did not work so well, but for bases for balloons, fabulous.

Burning man

I'm writing from Black Rock City AKA
Burning man. The art is unbelieveable and personal expression
uninhibited, the libertarian dream. The only rules seem to be don't
hurt anyone or anything. And it works

Slack line

After a few minutes of learning how to walk on a slack line I noticed
something kinda strange. Walking along balancing, I sometimes stick
one leg out just to the side of line, so I'm only standing on one leg,
kinda precarious, but it helps. Seem that when I'm starting to fall
to one side and shifting me arms to one side is not enough my body
knows that sticking my leg out will help. But my head does know what
is going on.

a strange list, that needs to be shorter

Someone (no matter who) saying something does not make it so

1. question everything and allow for any answer
2. accept change
3. Love everything you can
4. hold onto nothing that does not want to be held onto (people, ideas, anything)
5. discard all that is not needed
6. learn what is real
7. hold onto what is real and important
8. understand stories for what they are
9. see beauty
10. don't get tied up in ego
11. listen, especially to those who disagree with you
12. share appropriately
13. have no guru
14. learn from others
15. make mistakes
16. enjoy mistakes
17. have fun
18. forgive (others and self)
19. be honest with self
20. understand things for what they are
21. see people for who they are (not necessarily who they think or say they are)
22. see self honestly (this might be the hardest to do)
23. understand the difference between possible and probable
24. question all feelings understand what is creating them
25. question everything you know understand why you know it
26. feelings just keep people controlled in society
27. impose no should
28. let others be what and who they are
29. the only real experiences are the really good and the really bad
30. People are more important than things
31. Leave the world a better place for being there

I do not know who I am

I do not know what money is

I do not really know why the sun comes up or goes down

Other seem to think they know but I suspect they are naive.

feelings are interesting but ultimately are not trustworthy.
a. they motivate one towards things that one is biologically programmed for

b they motivate one towards things that one is culturally programmed for

If something seems too good to be true it probably is

Do not believe anyone who says trust me,

the phrase trust me really means shut up, stop thinking and accept what I say

Common sense is a misnomer

Be a skeptic

There is no new and original thought, just synthesis and mutation of what already exists

Science is a verb not a noun.

Humans are animals

Instinct or other programming motivates most of what humans do.

Humans need reasons

People do things for reasons

Most of the reasons are biological

People make up other reasons for doing things, but think their reason is true and correct

I would like to know who I am

I would like to know what is up

ideas that i need to write down

if some one is taught an incorrect concept and is then tested on that concept and answers in accord with their teachings that does not make them stupid, just wrong.

if some one believes that something that is immoral is moral and acts on that belief it does not make them immoral. because the are acting in accord with their morality.

if some one has a bias that affects their actions but does not know that they have that bias, then acts in a way that reflects that bias it simply means that they do not know their biases not that they are necessary acting in a knowingly self serving manner especially if they believe that their actions are objectively correct. They are just wrong

Tree house in winter?

My grand plan was to make a tree house and live in it full time, year round. right now is is just about a perfect summertime abode, but to make in all season will require a full time roof and all walls complete... I wonder if that will make it a less perfect place... think think think

Tthe drunken monkey and the inner dog

Time to start telling the story that is floating around my head, not
so much a tale...more a telling.

The lie, that voice in your head that honestly thinks it knows what is
going on, the same one that tells you that you are too fat or skinny.
The same one that tells you that broccoli tastes bad ( or good for
that matter.) The Drunken Monkey

Now there is that voice that you can not hear that in fact controls
much of what you do. Some might call it instinct. I think of it as
The Inner Dog

If tired

The sleeping loft

The second floor

Take the stairs

Enter here

Tree house

The tree house's three levels make for the perfect summertime retreat.
Winter will require a roof and windows

Great Uncle?

26 nieces and nephews and now one great nephew. Buckley Daniel Hardy... Go figure