Do I deserve it all? Happiness? I think that I finally understand where it resides, and how to get it, so the question remaining is can I keep it. Today it involved preening, yesterday, riding in the rain... Stuck in traffic, tomorrow building walls, and I'm not sure what will bring happiness the next day. Strange but the happiness of days past involves pain and even the desire for death, but those life changing events make the happiness of today even possible.

In this moment it is all about pie

What do I deserve?

I figure it has taken me taken me about twenty extra years to catch up socially with people I went to high school with. I think I finally get it, all the social posturing, friendship, dancing, and dating... I think I get it... but if I would've understood beer back then maybe i'd of gotten it all sooner.

Don't be nice to me...

In my quest to be happy I realized that I do not want people to be nice to me... I do not want anyone to do anything for me that does not make them happy.

It gives me great joy to see those around me enjoying themselves and I want to feel that joy.

I feel happy when those around me are happy, and I want to be happy.

But if I do something for another with just the goal of their happiness then I'm not seeing to my needs...

Be sensitive to me, if my hair cut is bad don't say " you are ugly" but do tell me that you do not like it, and if you could offer a suggestion I'd really appreciate it, but please do not tell me that you like it, or say something that would lead me to believe that you approve, do not be nice, sensitive yes but not nice.

if you do not like me do not act like you do...

if you do not want too... then don't

"selfless" actions are a trap, because if you are not taking care of yourself then you can not take care of anyone else

take care of you and if that works for me then let me be the judge of that, I will do the same.